‘How do I look like you?’

Was my question to my personal trainer friends. They looked amazing. The optimum glow of health. I could visualise their washboard abs under their t-shirt….thinking if maybe I could rub their abs they would magically reappear on me.

‘Protein! Protein! Protein’! they would sing like a chorus of birds in the nest with their heads raised to the heavens and there necks outstretched. Everything with protein.

Protein. Right. Got it.

‘How do I Iook like you?’ Was my question to one of my yoga teachers. Bodies carved over time to be lithe and strong. Thinking this is as close to a ballet dancing figure that people can get to without busting up there feet and retiring at the age of 30 to be Sadlers Wells artistic director.

‘Well…..I’m a vegetarian…..dont put things in my body that hurts or abuses it……and fast on full moons’

Go Vege. Stop drinking wine. Stop eating at all. Got it.

‘How do I look like you?’ I asked my work colleague that has amazing arms….amazing stomach….amazing bum….

‘I use to be fat you know….look at this picture……I substituted butter with butter alternatives, low fat milk, low fat everything ….oh yeah and its all about portions…I eat 6 time a day”

Ok. Use low fat food alternatives. Eat bird like size portions. Starve all my stomachs. Got it.

‘So – how do I look like me?’ I ask myself whilst I sit there mentally pinching the fat around my abdomen that is flowing out of the top of my trousers. I’m struck with the realisation of what I’m doing.

Comparison – by default. Thought processes that make decisions between here and there. How do you know your on the right track if you don’t compare?

Our brain is constantly making and dismissing thoughts each and every second.  It is made up of billions of cells that connect with each other and transmit electrical energy. Your brain is constantly on the go, creating impluses that are arranged into patterns that coordinate thoughts, emotions, behaviours, movements and sensations. Filtering through 100s and 1000s of pieces of information, downloads that come externally into the internal world with lightening quick precision.

When you make decisions that are aligned with your goals in life, your brain finds ways to support it. It automatically goes out of its way to find the ‘how’ into making it happen. Even to the point of making excuses.

So I did just that. I made a decision. I did what any other fed up, overweight person does. With this information overload, I went full steam ahead and dived into everything – scattered my thought processes and energy and time, tapping into every resource I had, trying to grasp a piece of everything. To get me to my goal.

Then, funnily enough, I pretty soon ran out of steam and collapsed on my couch nursing a shoulder injury from overdoing it too soon – broken, grumpy and hungry.

Time to regroup. This is not working.

Keeping up with everyone else was hard. And tiring. And I’m still hungry.

And it was the best thing that happened.

Because it made me revaluate my decisions. It caused me to shift, to make little adjustments on the way, adjust the wind in my sails to stay on course.

I worked on the bits that I liked from everyone one that I talked too. Enlightened myself and made my own plan. I did a 30 day yoga challenge but made my own rules. 45 mins a day. I could do that. I ate when I was hungry and soon began to discover for myself what the distinction was between hunger and cravings. I educated myself on how much my stomach could process, what kind of food would feed my cells rather than my appetite.

Decisions made based on my own experiences. Brain neureons lighting and creating my own pattern of how to control my weight to get to the picture of me and how I wanted to look. When I made the decision to stop comparing my outcome to be in line with others and start establishing my weight goals and ideals for myself….I begin to truly find my way.

‘How do I look like you?’ I had a new girl come and sit in the vacant desk beside me. My head swished so fast to face her – ‘What?’

My decisions, my own fact finding, my new neurological patterns and thought processes had started to show results….on the inside and the outside.

I found my way.

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